Venting session #1

I think for a while I am going to be using my blog for an outlet or a journal you could say. I am going to apologize in a advance if it is a little depressing for a season. That is kind of my problem...... Usually I have been able to scream or what ever I needed to do with my emotions and in a short amount of time my emotions would be gone. However, these days I am just sad. (Oh no, gees Mandy you sure are a debbie downer.) I know! I am really having a hard time shaking my emotions here lately and I am thinking maybe that if I can have an outlet, a place to pour my heart out everyday without worrying about how someone views the strength of my relationship with God due to my lack of glee maybe the sadness will eventually leave my body.( Maybe I am figuring out why Nick likes to blog so much). I know that right now is a huge turning point in who I am as a person as well as who I am as a friend and a follower of Christ.I can feel it, and unfortunately I may not be heading in the right direction:(. I am just going to tell the truth. I really am trying to be that person that smiles and says Nothing will steal my joy but nevertheless, I am failing. I know that not many people that I know read my blog but if you do, Please pray for me that I would embrace the Joy and peace that can only come from Christ and that I will gain some light into where God is leading me during this season of my life and that I will embrace my sorrow if that's what it takes to draw me closer to him. I want to be honest with my struggles which are bitterness, anger, sorrow, and lonliness. I totally understand if any of you feel the need to tune out of my blog for a while but I can't continue to pretend or I feel it will be to the detriment of me and who I am. I am thankful for all my precious Savior has blessed me with...my family, my friends, my beautifully created children , my life,....... for whatever reason( I am sure it is a good one) however, God has brought me to a place of sorrow and I need somewhere to vent. I do not want to burden my loved ones or the people around me that do not handle grief in the same manner. Therefore, me and the internet are going to have some talks and vent away. I already feel better. Also, if you do read my blog please don't feel as though you have to comment and tell me how sorry you are. I know that all of you love me and that I can count on you guys at anytime. I just truly need a place to get it all out.

xo

Mandy